The Spark of a Great Dad

Sometimes little sparks can start big fires.

What does your use of your time communicate to your kids?

I’ll admit, I was spoiled by a dad who set a great example for me to follow.

My dad spent time with each of his three kids (me and my two sisters) in ways that were meaningful and special to each of us individually.  He coached sports teams for all us in our elementary years, and diversified his time with us as we got older and our tastes and personalities changes.  For me, that was spending time hiking with him.  For one of my sisters, it was following pro sports.  For the other, it was pursuing 4-H and show steer greatness.

Dad was physically fit enough to keep up with all of our activities, whether it was wrestling with us as kids, playing town team basketball and running with my high-school teammates, skiing with us on a 4-H ski day, or hiking for hours up and down the sides of rough mesa country.

Although I never saw him personally nurturing his relationship with God (seeing him in prayer or reading his Bible) I saw him give up countless Saturdays to service projects at church and other community service projects.

My dad died from heart disease when he was 57, six years ago.

I’m 37 years old.  What if I only have 20 more years to spend investing in my  kids?

Huge Aside: Yes, there have been several big “What If’s” in my last several blogs, but I’d rather prayerfully wrestle with these potential realities than try to sweep them under the rug.

Granted, I’m not a doctor and I con’t play one on TV.  I don’t know the ins and outs of how his heart valve stopped working.  I don’t know if its genetic and headed my way or not.

To be the best dad I can be, and to be a good steward of the time God has given me (whether it’s one, twenty, or fifty years)  I have identified 4 things I must be proactive about.

1.  Proactively nurturing my relationship with Jesus and intentionally modeling and teaching my sons what its about.  I need to be spending more and more time in prayer, in the Word, reading Christian books, listening to great music… and my sons need to see me doing it.  My relationship with Jesus can’t be behind closed doors and so private that its a mysterious concept that preacher dad talks about on Sunday

2.  Proactively spending quality time with each son doing what he likes.  One boy loves to dance and watch movies.  One boy loves to hike and create stuff with Legos.  They all love to wrestle!  Sometimes I spend time with each boy, but sometimes I make them share my time and do what the others may like to do, even when its not their favorite. I’ve noticed a direct correlation between the amount of time we play together and how well and smooth evenings and bedtimes go.

3.  Proactively teaching my sons valuable life skills  (even if its not their favorite thing to do).  My dad and I played a lot of sports together, and as a result, I’m pretty coordinated and can “fit in” in most kinds of pick-up games.  However, we didn’t spend a lot of time building stuff and fixing stuff together.  I’ve picked up some basic carpentry, plumbing, and fix-it skills from friends and co-workers, but I would have rather learned that stuff from my dad.  I make it a point to drag my boys out with me on projects now.  They still are a little young, but they amaze me at how they are able to help out more and more with each project as they get stronger and smarter.

4.  Proactively getting more physically fit.  My boys are 4, 7, and 8 years old.  I can still take ’em when it’s wrestle time.  What about 10 years from now?  What about 5 years from now?  I don’t just want to be able to keep with them as we hike and rock climb, but I want them to be keeping up with me.  I must schedule time in to get stronger in the gym and build up the cardio out on the trails with my huskies.

For you dads, and you moms, out there: what do you need to proactive about? Spending less time in front of a screen and more time out in the real world?  Shedding a few pounds so you can do the really fun stuff with your kids?  Deepening your relationship with Jesus and passing that passion to your kids?

Fatal Reflections

Tragedy makes a guy reflective.  This past Sunday, as I was getting ready for church, I got a phone call from a friend.

“Brad, it’s me.  Call the paramedics. Christian’s down!”

My friend was in a car accident with three of his four sons.  He was on the way to church. He veered off the road, over corrected, and the car rolled several times.  One boy died instantly.  The two other boys were helicoptered to Pueblo and Colorado Springs.  The dad ended up in the hospital as well.

As the town pastor and a member of the volunteer fire department, I had an interesting role in the day.  I helped strap the dad onto a stretcher.  I prayed over the dead boy (yep, I thought that would have been a great time for a miracle).  I also had the wonderful job of telling the mom that her son did not survive the accident.  (There really is no right way to do that.  It’s just horrible any way you look at it.)  Jodi and I took the mom and the fourth son (both were at home at the time of the accident) to the hospital in Trinidad.  Being a local guy, I drove down some backroads so we could avoid the accident scene on the highway.

Here’s what’s crazy wonderful – on the day before the accident (Valentine’s Day), this couple invited Brody and Brock to their house to play all day long so Jodi and I could have some relaxed time alone.  My boys spent all day playing with the boy who died the next day.

What’s the point in all of this?  Is there a point?  Here are several things I’ve absorbed over this crazy week.

1.  Hug your wife and your kids. A lot.

2.  Help people around you. Look for ways to help them.  Don’t wait for them to ask.

3.  Bad things are going to happen in life. It’s not a matter of “if” – it’s a matter of “when”.  I’m not a doomsday guy at all  (I’m probably too optimistic most of the time).  Here’s the question: is your focus going to be on God before the tragedy strikes, or will it be the tragedy that brings your focus back to God?  I think God lets it happen both ways.  I’d rather choose option A.

What a week.

P.S. Just in case you’re curious, the injured kids and the dad are doing fine.  The family has a strong and real faith in Jesus and they’re doing pretty well at this point.  Pray for them if you have a minute.

The Millennium Falcon Cat or 6 Signs That Life is Awesome

1.  Your 2 boys put Luke Skywalker and Batman on your cat’s back and push the cat around the hardwood floor yelling “The Millennium Falcon Cat!”

After that, Jodi has to start liking the cat.

2.  The Nuggets traded Allen Iverson to Detroit for CHAUNCEY BILLUPS and Antonio McDyess.

Yep, that’s two, count ’em, two championship trophies he’s holding.  Man, it’s time to wash off my old Nugs cap.

3.  Taking part in election day as an election judge is pretty cool. Branson is a pretty small voting precinct, so we only saw 50 voters.  But hey, every vote counts!

4.  If you can’t have fun with a chain saw, you just can’t have fun.

Yep, I got the OK to pull the trigger on a new Husky chainsaw.  It rocks.

5.  God ties very interesting things together. I’m preaching through the Sermon on the Mount, which was preached to everyday people.  I’ve also been doing lots of thinking about how church should be done in our community, which is full of everyday people.  Some friends and I have been working through a Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which talks about how Christians in community are everyday people.  Its funny how more and more of life seems to be just about trusting God and enjoying the wonderful things he’s placed around us, and less and less about expectations.

6.  Getting all teary-eyed after holding my baby boy, watching the big boys play, and reading a Baxter Black article in the Arkansas Valley Journal.

7 Things That Tugged On My Heart This Week

What are the things that make you tear up?  Not sad tears, but good tears?  The kind of tears made by the realization that you’re seeing something special.  Here’s my list of things that have made me tear up this past week.

1.  This picture.

2.  Will, my 5 week old son, as he slept in my arms.

3.  Brock telling me unprompted “Daddy, I love you,  and I love Mommy, and I love Will, and I love Brody” at the end of bedtime tonight.

4.  Brody lying on my chest this morning, like he did when he was a baby.

5.  Seeing my wife this morning. She was getting ready to visit her parents.  I was outside loading up the car or something.  She came outside.  Her hair was mostly dry, but it looked much like it did on our honeymoon.  It took my breath away.

6.  This video… particularly the kids dancing around with huge smiles on their faces.

7.  Hugging my dogs on a hike.  I got them just weeks before my dad died almost 2 years ago.

There is so much to life that is meant to move our hearts.  God wired us that way.  There is so much wonderful emotion in the simple ways that everyday unfold.  I’m finding that life is so much more full the more I am open to those depths.

But before I go too far off the toughy-feely deep end, there are several interesting paradoxes to this (to me at least):

• I’m trying to teach my oldest son that crying gets you nothing.  That’s OK for a 4 year old that needs to learn that crying when you don’t get to carry your 2nd favorite lightsaber to the toybox is unacceptable.
• Society has de-masculinized men to a degree that men today are a little too in-touch with their feelings.  I think the theme song for teen guy ministry will be Brad Paisley’s “I’m Still a Guy.”
• I’m discovering in my own challenges and in the challenges of the teen guys I mentor that the solution to overcoming the challenge is to “man up”… put the emotion aside and do what needs to be done.

What has touched your heart lately?  What’s made you tear up?  Leave a comment.

You can call me emotional, I’m okay with that.

Daddy, Who Is Batman’s Mommy?

That’s just one of the great questions my son Brock asked me yesterday.

As a fan of the Batman comic, I know that Bruce Wayne’s parents were murdered by a thug right in front of a young and impressionable Bruce.  But I don’t know the name of Batman’s mommy.

The boys (4 and 2 and a half years old) have been asking all sorts of good questions lately.  I know the answers to some, I fake the answers for most.  Here are a few that have made me smile lately.

“Does Will (our 3-week old baby boy) poop too?”

“What makes the bottom of the creek slippery?”

“Why does Brock always choose the same bedtime book?”

There have been a myriad of cute questions about male and female anatomy that I won’t quote here.

Questions are fun. There are tons of questions we all have… about God, about ourselves, about the universe, about Lost. If we think we know all the answers, we’re kidding ourselves.  If we quit asking questions, we’d better check our pulse.

I think people stop asking God questions for 1 of 2 reasons: (1) they don’t think God will answer so they don’t bother to ask, or (2) they see questioning God as a sign of weak, doubtful faith.  I’ve found that God doesn’t answer lots of questions I ask him, but he does answer some.  I’ve also found that my faith and my connection with Jesus has grown stronger as I’ve asked God more tough questions.

I don’t know most of the answers… and just when I think I have an answer figured out, something happens in life that makes me re-question the conclusion I had just settled upon.

The beauty is that I don’t need to know all the answers.  Jesus knows all the answers, and I can trust that.  That’s tough to do for some people, but I’ve found that to be the best road for me.

Here’s my question for you readers: What funny questions have kids asked you lately?  It could be your kids or someone else’s.  Leave a comment so we can all smile.

We all have deep questions about God and life and Lost… I’ll ask for those on another day.

Here are a few more recent pics of our crew.  Enjoy.

Our crew at Trinchera Falls.

Brock in the jumpy castle.

Blue tongues from Brody’s Batman birthday cake icing.

That’s What I Love About Sunday

Yep, that’s the title of a country song by a guy named Craig Morgan.  For the first time in several years, I really feel what that song is about.

As a Pastor, Sunday is my work day.  There are lots of good things that happen on Sunday as a pastor… preaching from God’s Word, catching up with people, shaking lots of hands.  The funny thing is, that is my job.  It’s my duty to do all of those things.  Those things are all good – I enjoy every part of a pastor’s Sunday.  It’s good for me to remember how everyone else (non-pastors) enjoys and relaxes on Sundays.

We’ve been in Evergreen for the past two Sundays.  On the first Sunday, we just chilled out at the in-law’s house (read between the lines – we skipped church – gasp!).  It was relaxing and refreshing.  It truly was a day of rest.  We went to church this past Sunday. I loved sitting under the trees (it’s an outdoor service) an listening to an encouraging, informative, challenging, uplifting sermon.  The church hosted a big barbecue VBS celebration (with a jumpy castle!) after the service.  Later than afternoon, 2 groups of friends and cousins stopped by to see baby Will.

Relaxation.  Rest.  Family.  Friends.  Fun.  Rejuvenating.

That’s what Sundays should be all the time.

For those of us that faithfully go to church every Sunday, it can often turn into a routine thing of duty.  God wants us to encounter Him and encounter each other in fresh, vivid ways.  He desires us to rest and relax in His presence… hopefully that can be in the presence of other believers as well. My challenge to you is to examine your typical Sunday experience.  Is it a time of duty?  Is it a time of routine predictability?  Or is it a time of refreshing and recharging?

For those of you that don’t go to church on a regular basis, I respect your need to rest. Weeks are long and we need to recharge.  God created us to need rest.  God also created us to need connection with Him and connection with other Christian brothers and sisters in a healty, wonderful way. My challenge to you is to find a church family that is connected to God and to each other.  Find a church home where you can plug in, where you can relax, where you can be yourself.

For those of you in our Branson church family, how can we be more refreshing for each other on Sunday and during the week?  Kind of related to that… where can we have an outdoor service out of the wind and under some trees?  That could be really fun.   Any ideas?

7 Things About Being A Dad That Make Me Smile

Just a few days into being a father a three boys, I find myself very observant.

Me and my Boys

The boys are absolutely beautiful.  Each is very different in unthought of ways.  They all make me laugh and tear up at the wonder that they are.

There are so many confusing, bewildering, crazy things about this adventure of life that Jesus calls us to.  Much of it is designed to break our prideful hearts and bring us back to a place of trusting in God.  If we slow down, we’ll see that there are lots of nuggets in life that are meant to make us smile… or cry happy tears.  I’d like to share some of those nuggets I’ve seen over the last several days.

Here are five purely perfect things about raising boys that are good any way you look at it.  The things on this list make my eyes light up, no matter how gray the day may be.

1.  Holding a newborn on your chest.

2.  Taking a nap with your toddlers.

3.  Watching your kids giggle uncontrollably on a trampoline.

4.  Realizing that your 2-year old shadow wants nothing more than to be near you.

5.  Listening to your 4-year old talk about his karate skills in his sleep.

6.  Watching your son being born.

7.  Watching your wife give birth.

So here’s a question for you readers out there:  What would make your happy things list?  What are the things that make you smile no matter where you’re at in life?  Is it people, or a person?  Is it a song, or a mountain view?  Is it chocolate?

Remember that God created good things for us to enjoy.  They remind us that God is a good God.  He is a loving father.  He not only wants us to trust him in tough situations, but he wants us to smile and laugh and enjoy the good things he has made for us.

Take a minute and thank him for the good stuff.